Alaskan

You can always tell an Alaskan...

They design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
Their mosquitoes have landing lights
They make jokes about oosiks.
They have more miles on their snowblower than their car.
They think driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.
They think sexy lingerie is fleece socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
Their underwear goes from their waist to their ankles.
At least twice a year, their kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
Their porch doubles as a freezer.
They have no indoor plumbing, yet receives 150 channels of tv and/or wireless internet.
Their snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
They think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
They frequently clean grease off their barbecue so the bears won’t prowl on their over-sized deck which is visible from space.
They know which leaves make good toilet paper.
The trunk of their car doubles as a deep freeze.
They have attended a formal event in their best clothes, finest jewels and snow boots.
They know the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.
They think the Pillsbury Doughboy has a nice tan.

(...but you can't tell them much)

An Alaskan sends an urgent message using wilderness skills.