User:Scobey/sandbox
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My Sandbox - No cats allowed!!!
Bike Snowplow
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned It to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Homebrewing
Toad Spit Stout
3.3 lbs John Bull hopped dark malt extract
4 lbs plain dark dried malt
3/4 lb crystal malt
1/3 lb roast barley
1/3 lb black patent
1 1/2 oz Northern Brewers hops (Boiling)
1/2 oz fuggles or Willamette hops (finishing)
8 tsp. gypsum
1-2 packages ale yeast
Add the crushed barley, crystal and patent to 1 1/2 gal cold water and bring to boil. Boil for 5 minutes, then strain out malts and add extracts and boiling hops. Boil for 60 min.
Computers
Top ten reasons why computers are male
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody’s home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
Top ten reasons why computers are female
10. The instruction manual is mostly wishful thinking.
9. Even after you've turned them on, they just sit there waiting for you to make the next move.
8. Incorrectly worded commands are completely ignored, or worse, taken literally.
7. They reveal all your secrets to anyone who wants to know.
6. Upgrades react badly to things left behind by previous versions.
5. Rules are absolute and there is no possibility of compromise.
4. Whatever you buy for them, there will always be a newer version that they want.
3. Nothing is ever "really" deleted... obsolete files will be brought up out of nowhere just to annoy you.
2. Error messages always translate to: "Well if you don't know I'm not going to tell you."
1. Despite your best efforts to prevent it, they continue to permit unauthorised entry.
By Paulo Coehlo
